Things a Mother Might Ask

It has been quite some time since I have blogged, let alone been online. It feels weird to me. I got super busy and just lost myself for a bit, good thing I found myself again.

I have been going through a lot of things lately and one is my increasing age. Here I am on the doorstep, practically, of FORTY! Why do I still feel so young? Why am I not wearing those “Mom” type clothes and does that make me crazy because I am not dressed like that?

I don’t dress too young but I am not exactly in polyester suits with those “wicker” slip on sandals from the ’70′s and no, I am not even entertaining the idea of wearing those things ever.

I wonder also, “Am I too immature for my age? Should I be acting more serious like I see the other moms?” What is 39 suppose to look like?

I adorn my laptop with cute little stickers and think, “Have I just not grown up yet?”

Whatever the case may be, and perhaps all of these thoughts come flooding in because I am on the brink of the big FOUR ZERO, I have to honestly state that I am happy with who I am even if some think I don’t take things seriously enough.

Who is to really say what forty should look like?

I can’t be to serious, at least where serious is not warranted. My kids would be bored to tears and probably beat up on other kids if I was boring and ignored them.

I do those strange dances when I make things in the kitchen and all for the viewing pleasure of my children. My daughter, now seventeen, still begs me to do my ‘Chicken Dance’, something I did way back when to make her laugh after she got a bit of hot oil on her when I was cooking, you guessed it, fried chicken! ( I had warned her not to get to close.)

My oldest son broke out in the dance the other day and I couldn’t believe my eyes and also couldn’t believe it when he said, “How do you like my dance Mommy?” You just have to smile because you see the proof that they do watch you and do, at times, listen.

So I suppose I have really answered my own question, that no, I don’t think I should be any other way since that would not be who I truly am, inside or out.

So forty will have to see me continuing my ‘chicken dance’. Well, at least continuing it until I break a hip or some other body part. )

So what does FORTY look like for you?

As the familar sound of gunfire and fireworks ring out on the streets of Beirut I start thinking of what this next year will bring for us.

My older son is already counting down the days until he turns 7 and I try like hell to turn back the clock. No success of course but I still wanted to try.

My younger son, fast asleep already gave me a scare when I walked in and saw his eyes wide open. He wasn’t moving and well…you can imagine the rest. He’s ok of course but I still wonder how much longer these eipisodes of fear I have regarding my kids will last. I be they will last my lifetime and never really go away completely.

I think about my husband who, instead of being all nice and toasty warm in freezing Beirut ringing in the New Year with us, he is off in Sierra Leone, sweating and battling Mallaria at the moment. He is still calling me everyday so I imagine it is a mild case. Either way, I don’t like that he is all the way over there and I am all the way over here.

I stress about Mallaria because it has lasting effects on those that get this illness but there is not really much I can do other than wish I could be there to tease him, I mean care for him. If he reads this he will maybe laugh *SMILE*.

I won’t make resolutions and my only hope will just be this, my hope to be a better person than I was the year before. That’s really all anyone can hope for right?

I hope everyone has a nice start at 2009 and an even better middle and end.